


In Defense of Honor

by chellefic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sga_flashfic, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-22
Updated: 2006-07-22
Packaged: 2017-11-01 01:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellefic/pseuds/chellefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When their honor is impugned, John and Rodney get even.</p><p>Written for the darkside challenge on SGA Flashfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Defense of Honor

"Come on, fight like a man," John said, forcing Rodney back with every swing of his stick.

"I am a man, therefore I fight like a man. Didn't you ever take logic?" Rodney was panting, but it wasn't interfering with his ability to be sarcastic. Few things did. "Besides I'd rather fight like Teyla."

Rodney brought his stick down in an over handed swing and John had to scramble to get his stick up to parry.

"Mere weeks ago I was but a learner; now I am the master."

"Only a master of evil, Rodney," John answered, taking a few steps back and circling around to his left.

Rodney turned with him, the two of them sizing each other up. Moving surprisingly quickly Rodney lunged. John easily parried his attack and the two of them stood there for a moment, sticks pressed together.

"Your powers are weak, old man."

"You can't win. Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." Moving forward, John swung his stick in a low arc, giving Rodney plenty of time to meet it.

***

"How was training?" Kate asked, taking the seat next to Major Lorne.

Teyla put her tray onto the table and sat across from Kate, beside Dr. Zelenka. "Fine. Dr. McKay is actually improving. He and Colonel Sheppard are still practicing, although it resembles play more than practice."

"That's not surprising," Zelenka said.

"Play is healthy, especially for adults with a great deal of responsibility," Kate said, smiling gently.

"Which is why it is not surprising," Zelenka answered, returning her smile.

"They swing the sticks as if they were swords. I think they are pretending to be something or someone from your world." Teyla looked her sandwich over before taking a bite.

Lorne's eyes met Zelenka's. "Can the internal sensors see into the gym?"

Zelenka nodded slowly. They both stood.

Catching Kate's eye, Teyla stood too, grabbing her milk and carrying both it and her sandwich with her as she and Kate followed Lorne and Zelenka to the control room.

There wasn't any way four people standing around the sensor console could look casual, but they tried anyway. Well, three of them tried.

Lorne was practically cackling even before Zelenka brought up the sensor feed. McKay and Sheppard were moving around the small screen swinging the sticks at one another in a way that was neither controlled nor graceful.

"That is not how the sticks are meant to be used," Teyla said, frowning. "They are wasting energy unnecessarily, leaving themselves open to attack."

Kate bumped her shoulder lightly against Teyla's. "They're playing, not fighting."

"Can you get sound on this thing?" Lorne asked.

"Possibly." Zelenka adjusted a couple of switches, and suddenly the gate room was filled with the sound of Sheppard saying "Luke, I am your father."

"I knew it," Lorne crowed.

Around her, everyone burst out laughing even Kate, although she tried to hide it. Teyla found herself smiling in response to their laughter even though she had no idea what was so funny.

***

John hated department head meetings. For some reason they made him want to shoot spitballs, preferably at Rodney, but he was willing to fire at Carson. Fortunately, this one was coming to an end, which meant he'd made it through another one without targeting one of his colleagues. John took this as a sign of encroaching maturity, something about which he was deeply ambivalent.

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said, standing.

Knowing a dismissal when he heard it, John stood as well.

Elizabeth gave Carson a quick nod and then smiled at John and Rodney. "Enjoy your lightsaber practice, Darth, Jedi Skywalker."

John had no idea how everyone had found out, but he was going to make the responsible parties suffer.

"It was Radek. Had to be," Rodney said under his breath as they entered the hall.

Elizabeth had left the office ahead of them, and John was glaring at the center of her back. He didn't stop glaring. "You don't have any proof, Rodney." They'd already had this argument three times.

"He had motive, and he knows almost as much about the sensors as I do. It's the only way they could have found out."

"Or someone could have walked by and heard us."

"Those doors are practically soundproof."

"If they used the internal sensors then someone in the gate room may have seen them," John said.

They changed direction at precisely the same moment.

***

Bruce the lab tech looked from John to Rodney and then back. "I don't know anything, honest."

Resting against the gate console right next to Bruce's chair, John crossed his arms. "You do realize that I'm the military commander of this base. And that Ronon does whatever I tell him."

Rodney leaned against the other side of the console, mirroring John's position, "I'm on Ronon's team too."

Swallowing visibly, Bruce looked from one to the other. "But Lorne and Zelenka..."

John grinned. "That's all we needed. Thanks." He patted Bruce's shoulder.

"Don't worry," Rodney said, patting the other shoulder. "We'll never give you up."

"Unless they ask," John added, tilting his head to the side and smiling.

***

"Come on, Cadman, I know you've got some," Rodney said, crowding into her space.

"And why should I help you?" she asked, gazing defiantly up at Rodney.

"Because by helping him you're helping me." John gave her his best commander-who-shall-not-be-denied look, his lower lip protruding as his mouth slipped sidewise and his eyebrows knotted.

Cadman turned toward her desk. "You are so going to owe me."

John grinned triumphantly.

***

"Conspiring is hard work," Rodney whispered as they made their way through the hall.

John nodded solemnly. It was hard work. "You know what files to get."

"I'm on it."

"Good. We'll meet at 0200 for phase two." They passed a trio of Marines and John gave them a curt nod in acknowledgment. From behind them they heard the distinct wheeze of a bad Darth Vader imitation. John pivoted on his heel.

All three Marines were grinning. John stared, eyes narrowing until they began to shift uncomfortably unable to meet his gaze. "That is the worst Vader impression I have ever heard."

"Yes, sir," all three mumbled.

"I didn't hear you."

"Yes, sir," they said more distinctly.

"Don't make that sound around me again until you can do it properly."

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

All three raised their hand in salute. John waited a good thirty seconds before saluting back.

"You have got to teach me how to do that," Rodney said, staring after the Marines retreating backs.

"I just pretend they're Caldwell, as an airman."

"You have issues, you know that," Rodney said.

John shrugged. "But that's what makes me deep."

"Right," Rodney said dragging it out until it was at least three syllables.

***

"Why do we have to do this in the middle of the night?"

"Because you can't conspire in the middle of the day."

"Good point," Rodney conceded handing John the rubber cement. "My staff spent the entire day calling me 'Jedi Skywalker.' Even Miko."

"Did you try the glare?"

"They're scientists not Marines."

"Hmmm," John said trying to sound sympathetic. "When we're done, you can play with my lightsaber."

"That's immensely comforting."

"I knew it would be."

***

"Come on, Rodney, hurry." John glanced up and down the hallway. Phase three was the most dangerous part of their plan, the one with the greatest chance of being caught if Rodney couldn't get the damn door open.

"I might be faster if someone hadn't wanted me to spend half the night playing with his lightsaber."

"You like playing with my lightsaber."

"Never said I didn't," Rodney said as the door to Lorne's quarters slid open.

***

Go for a walk, gather a few plant samples, come home. It was Lorne's favorite type of mission.

He was actually humming until he stepped through the gate and there in front of him were his sheets, hanging from a metal frame. "You hadn't better have damaged Spongebob," he growled.

***

I'll be loving you forever  
Just as long as you want me to be  
I'll be loving you forever  
All this love's for you and me, yeah

The singing had started with a small group of physicists near the door but as Zelenka walked deeper into the mess, more voices joined in.

Rodney rose from his seat and placed a hand over his heart as he chimed in, singing the background part. "I'll be loving you."

Ignoring them all, Zelenka strode over to the food line and grabbed a tray. It took only a few minutes to get a slice of what the cook claimed was meatloaf and spoonful of mashed potatoes.

Rodney was humming when Zelenka placed his tray on the table opposite him. "I hate you."

"But you love Donnie Wahlberg," Rodney answered with a grin.

"Do you know how much a copy of _Hangin' Tough_ cost in Prague in 1988?"

"Apparently not enough."

Zelenka's eyes narrowed, but Rodney was a scientist, such things had no effect on him.

***

"Someone drew a pineapple around Lorne's door," John announced, striding into Rodney's lab and stopping in front of his bench.

"He should have known better than to mess with a Sith."

John grinned and tilted his head in the direct of Zelenka's lab station, still covered with pictures of the New Kids on the Block. "Or a Jedi."

Returning his grin, Rodney rose to leave.

"You think you could alter the mike on my radio so it sounds like Vader? With that deep, raspy breathy?" John asked as they stepped out into the hallway.

"Did I mention that you have issues?"

"You agreed that's what makes me deep."

"Uh-huh." Rodney looked him over. "You're more like a skinny Han Solo than Vader."

"Skinny? I am not-- Hey, you think I'm Han Solo?" The only thing keeping John's grin from being insufferable was the way his eyes lit up.

"I didn't say you were Han Solo, but you do tend to copy his moves, Mr. I -Saw-It-In-A-Movie-Once."

"He had good moves."

"So do you," Rodney said with a leer.

"You just want to play with my lightsaber."

Rodney leered a bit more, trying to get his eyebrows into the act. "I'll even let you play with mine."

"Deal. Just stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"If that's supposed to be your come-play-with-my-lightsaber look, it needs serious work."

"Oh, like you're so suave."

"I got you, didn't I?" John pointed out.

"As much as it pains me to say it, I think that's actually a point for my side."

***

"McKay claims that being outed means I'll never get laid," Zelenka said, gazing morosely into his coffee.

"Sheppard said the same thing to me. He seems to think that women don't like Spongebob," Lorne said. Fortunately, it was late and the mess was empty, so they could commiserate in peace.

"Well, having sex on top of a picture of a pants-wearing-sponge who works as a fry cook is a bit odd."

"So is having sex under a Donnie Wahlberg poster."

"Mmmm," Zelenka agreed, tilting his head to the side. "But we're still cooler than they are."

Lorne leaned back in his chair, hooking one arm over the back. "Way cooler."

**Author's Note:**

> Some dialog in the first two scenes is taken from _Star Wars: A New Hope_ and _The Empire Strikes Back_. Song lyrics are from The New Kids on the Block song "I'll Be Loving You Forever."


End file.
